Rediscovering God Through the Grief Experience

Quite often, losing a loved one hits us unexpectedly. The one left behind can easily begin to walk in his own shroud of emptiness, pain, and unspoken words. But the physical, mental, and spiritual support of our brothers and sisters in faith can help us move through this grief toward healing. This article describes a means of exploring grief that helps remove the misunderstanding and isolation that grieving people often experience in today’s culture of grief avoidance. As you will learn, support groups for grieving individuals offer hope by creating a safe place for exploring the meaning of death and suffering.

Escorting mourners in the intercultural and interreligious context

Recently in Martin the international ministry Grundtvig gathered in the Lutheran Church in Martin to provide just such a “Rediscovering God Through Grief” support opportunity. Over the course of five days the Grundtvig project enabled participants to learn, with the assistance of “escorting mourners” (those who have already walked through grief due to loss of a loved one) a variety of creative methods that can be used to assist persons in overcoming their own withering grief brought on by the loss of loved ones.

Participants from various regions gathered, quickly overcaming the challenges of six different languages and joyfully embracing each other’s denominational differences ranging from the Roman and Greek Catholic churches to Orthodox, Lutheran, Methodist, and Pentecostal churches. At the opening ceremony Natália Kacianová, the Grundtvig project coordinator and teacher in the Bible School in Martin said, “Despite these visible differences, we can effectively make our way to understanding one another this weekend.”

With these words, under the direction of Natália Kacianová, grief-weary participants from different countries and ecclesiastical communities commenced their five-day journey which relentlessly penetrated deeper and deeper into the cultures of mourning that prevail in their individual countries. They took the risk to make their way through exercises that often required painful, transparent vulnerability.

God’s Presence as We Mourn

Participants quickly realized that this kind of open honesty can rip open a person’s feelings of anger and pain. “But anger is also just an emotion, and we must get it out”, said Candee Moser, an American Lutheran pastor for pastoral care and a volunteer and coordinator involved in the weekend in Martin. These Grundtvig sessions helped participants to learn to accept anger and frustration as natural responses to grief and, more importantly, to realize that each grieving person needs “safe haven” in which to express these deep, legitimate emotions. For example, throughout the Bible we find numerous, often public, outbursts of grief and anger that, in the cultures represented in the weekend workshop in Martin, would be considered unacceptable. (e.g., “. . . rent their garments”; see Gen. 37:29 and 34; Ezra 9:3; Acts 14:14) These words, and other similar expressions, serve to remind us that grief and its accompanying expression have existed from time immemorial.)

This kind of open honesty can further help a person to face the truth that is in front of him. Yes, in the face of loss, a person may certainly scream “WHY?” And when no answer comes, that person may scream even more loudly. However, in the safe environment of a grief support group, mourners are surrounded by fellow mourners, people who can help them to “trust in the presence of something Holy.” Yes, our loved one is now gone–forever. The sensations of pain and loss and anger are natural and necessary. However, it is equally necessary to take a step forward. Move from this place, because the fact that God has left us here, on the Earth, is not a random act! We must move on. Such an experience will help us, even in our grief and sorrow, to discover God–again!.

Content focus of the project

First of all we met Candee Moser. In the second part of this five-day meeting the project´s coordinator Natália Kacianová presented a concrete implementation of support groups for grieving. Lectures were focused on themes that can support groups in grieving and management of the mourning soil in Lutheran church in Martin. During this time we visited also a Bible school, the Lutheran Church and the National Cemetery in Martin and we spend one day in east of Slovakia (in Bardejov) where we visited little town Bardejovská Nova Ves, a place where the first Hospice in Slovakia was built.

Variety of activities had its clear message – treatment of grief through art takes many forms and links that human being move on. Support groups for grieving means an assistance through a form of organized, group therapy with mourners. Groups are led by a facilitator. He establishes, organizes and leads these groups. Natália Kacianová as a facilitator in groups for grieving works five years. Natália annually organizes the training of facilitators within the pastoral study called SLZA (TEAR) that taking place in the Bible School in Martin. Next school year she plans to open even two courses, “one would be intended for Slovak students and ran it in Martin, while the second course will be conducted and determined brothers and sisters from Silesia,” adds Natália Kacianová.

Lectures of Candee Moser and Natália Kacianová brought great acclaim – several participants even started to think about the creation of support groups in their communities or congregations. Thank be to God!